Feeling resentful?

Friday, March 20, 2015

We were never the couple who kept score. We gave and took equally and if we didn't we never really noticed. Then we became responsible for another person, a place of our own, a new job. Life happened and it happened quickly with very little time to adapt.

I've never been someone who adapts easily to change. It overwhelms and stresses me out. I've also never been very good at asking for help, even when it feels like I'm drowning. When life came at us fast, I took on just about everything, even though I didn't have to. 

My stress built and built and I would have mini-meltdowns every other week. I'm sad to say that I ended up feeling very resentful. It has taken some time and a lot of hard work, but I'm happy to say that we are in a much healthier place. 

Here are four ways I have learned to deal with and prevent any bitterness from seeping into the relationships in your life.

Communicate



My husband is not psychic and currently lacks the ability to read minds. I would often communicate the way that I was feeling and he would constantly ask what he could do to help me not feel as overwhelmed. I would talk in generalities but never get specific. I've since learned that I need to spell it out. I need to tell him what he can do to help me and then he can and will help!

Serve


Stop keeping score in your relationships. Be the friend or spouse that you wish you had.

I can't even tell you the number of conversations I have had where someone is complaining that they feel like they are the person making all of the effort in certain relationships or friendships. I used to feel this way too, but life is too short! If you want to spend time with someone then make it happen! Stop waiting for everyone else to make the plans or do the nice things. Just be a nice person who gives freely and doesn't keep score. You'll be much happier and won't feel let down nearly as often.

You may also find that others begin to reciprocate.

Trust


I used to be a firm believer that if you wanted something done correctly then you needed to do it yourself. It's hard for me to lose control, but I am learning that when I ask for help I need to just accept how the other person will approach the situation. I can't go swooping in to "fix" things. 

Make the choice. 


Ultimately when you continue to dwell in feelings of anger, you remain angry and find yourself getting angrier by the minute. It's definitely not healthy to hang on to those feelings. Whenever I have found myself choosing to hang on I have only made myself more miserable. I'm choosing to be happy and I'm choosing to do what makes me happy in every aspect of my life. It's liberating to make the choice to let go!

Maybe I'm the only person on the planet who had a hard time learning how to not give in to bitterness and resentfulness, but somehow I doubt it. 

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1 comments

  1. I totally get the trust thing. My life motto is definitely "If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself." (I've already said it a couple times today!)
    Learning to let go and realizing that other people are capable of doing things is tough.
    Something that is kind of helping me is to agree on a set of standards the job needs to be up to and a time it needs to be done, then let whomever is performing the task to do it their way. (Unless something truly needs to be done a certain way.) Agreeing on what the final product should be like can be tricky, but once it's agreed upon, it takes away so much unneeded stress and worry to know how something is going to turn out!
    (Example: Spouse making dinner. I'm very busy so spouse voluenteers to make dinner. We agree that the meal needs to include a vegetable and that he can't use the chicken I've set aside for later in the week (I had to give up some bacon). As long as those things are met, he can make whatever he wants for dinner. Even if he wants to fry something (which I hate because it makes a mess and leaves me bloated.))

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